Love and Acceptance

Popped up some post-it love notes today, in a restroom. Was so much fun. Cannot wait to do more.

I loved doing this so much. 🙂 Exploring all things self-love/self-worth has been very healing for me recently. I found I was feeling resentful of my health issues and as a result I was feeling resentful of my body. I felt like it had let me down. Like I had let me down. AGAIN! Not just because of the recent health stuff, but because of the many complicated things over my whole life.

I realised that I was lacking acceptance of myself, the way I am.

I realised that I have been running from my true self for forever. Scared that if I stopped, turned around and saw myself, I would be horrified by the restrictions I would have to face.

And the funniest part was realising that it was the very running away from myself, the very lacking of acceptance, that kept me from feeling my own love.

I have found that starting to accept myself and my body for all the wonderful, creative, unique and complex being it is, I am feeling so much more love from myself, and in turn, liking myself so much more. I actually feel the opposite of what I always thought I would feel. I feel soft and gentle and kind. I feel warm and welcoming. I feel understanding.

I feel accepting.

I don’t feel any dislike at all. I don’t feel any blame like I did my whole life previously. I don’t even feel forgiveness because I don’t feel my body needs forgiving — I can see now that it has just been doing the best it could. And that is enough.

This has taken me so by surprise. I always try to see the silver linings in things and I have to say that I am not sure I would have had such a profound healing journey if I had not had my recent flare of health stuffs. I feel completely blessed. I feel so lucky to have had this moment in my life. It has changed me.

What a wonderful thing. Love. To love yourself and to love others. A truly healing medicine. A medicine I hope everyone finds.

Regarding the recent acute physical stuffs: It has been pretty up-and-down. I have been weaning off my high doses of medicines for my asthma, and I am now completely off the strongest med. We will be seeing how my asthma goes. It hasn’t gone away completely, so I am a little dubious about what will come over the next few days. I was having some side effects from that med as well which weren’t very nice, so hoping I don’t need to go back on them. Still on a couple of other meds. Basically we will see how I go over the weekend and see the doctor next week. If it gets serious over the weekend I will pop into the hospital.

My ribcage issues are going okay. Pretty stable. Still painful but seems to be recovering bit by bit. Still not doing a lot of physical work (or paying for it if I do too much) but I can move my arms more now and get hugs again, so that’s something! 😀

Zoe 🙂