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Uncaging Secrets

Okay, so upon thinking about it overnight I realise that this isn’t really that deep or dark a secret. And I may have even mentioned it here before, but I am admitting it super duperly, no-turning-back, loud and clear now…

I wanna know want it feels like to dance en pointe.

In other words…

I WANT TO DANCE EN POINTE!

In other, other words: I want to slide my feet into pointe shoes, strap those baby’s on and take a tour of the dance floor.

There. I said it.

I mean, it’s obviously not really that much of a secret, but I haven’t gone all out with it before because I feel like such a dick when I say it. Like, I want to crawl under a table when I say it. I may, or may not be crawling under a table right now.

I still have people in my real life finding out that I do ballet from my deck in the bush, and some are overwhelmingly positive about it and others don’t get it. Although I still feel very uncomfortable when people want to talk about it (especially when they don’t get it but want to keep talking about it), I have learned to remind myself that it may seem silly to other people, but to me it was either ballet or a therapist, medication and some pretty dark shit. So to choose ballet seems like the most un-silly thing in the world — to me. My point is that I’m getting better at not crawling under the table when people say they heard about my ballet (I think about the table but I don’t go there) πŸ˜‰

But if I think about allowing myself to want pointe work? ….. Damn the underside of this table is cosy. πŸ˜‰

Okay, so I have been thinking hypothetically for a while about this and I want to start thinking literally.

Could I literally do this?

I feel like there are so many factors involved. Like how do you learn pointe work if you can only get to an in person class every few months? How do you know you’re ready? How do you even know you have the right shoes without your teacher seeing you dance in them again and again? How do remain safe? What if you snap your ankle? Why am I thinking about crazy things like pointe shoes? Where has my table gone?

But hang on a sec. Take a breath and calm a little down. Okay, calm a lot down!

Is it possible that a sensible person could do an absolute beginner pointe class, or record a private absolute beginner pointe class, and then just keep repeating that at home? And then learn more at their next class, and go home and repeat and practice that — and just repeat that again and again?

And I’m not talking about starting turns en pointe. I’ve seen how intense pointe classes are, I ain’t stupid. I’m just thinking about starting with the prep work and then the barre work.

Is it possible?

So, here’s the thing, I don’t know if it’s possible or not, but it is a desire that is growing inside me. It’s getting closer and closer to the surface. I’m sure you all remember taking your first ballet class as an adult? I’m sure you remember the build up to that class, the moment you decided it had to stop being an idea and start being real? That’s what this feels like. I am terrified that I will be terrible at it, my feet will break and I will be mortified by the whole experience — but despite all those fears, I am feeling more and more pull towards having a go. I want to add that experience to my ballet journey. I would love to know when I would be ready for it.

In any case, it’s a huge thing for me to be letting this secret out of the vault. So I’m gonna just let it hang around with me. Let it be present with me and allow it to exist and breathe for a while.

And in the meantime, while I ruminate on whether it is actually something I can arrange at some point, I would like to know when you all started to learn pointe work. I know we have discussed this a little before but if you’d humour me, that’d be great!

So stuff like…

1) how long into ballet classes did you start pointe work?

2) did you need to be able to achieve a certain move like extended rise or strong releve before you could move into pointe?

3) were your early pointe classes particularly tricky, technically? Or just hard work?

4) did you have great balance when you started pointe work?

Anything else you would like to add? πŸ™‚

Well, thanks for listening. Here’s to uncaging secrets. Here’s to these feet possibly being in pointe shoes some day!

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ZoΓ«

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Three Little Wishes

Hiya gorgeous peeps! Oh my goodnesses life has been so almightily busy! SO much going on but I’m still here. Still hanging around. Still in love with ballet, dance, music, movement, life, love, and all of you! πŸ™‚

My health is overall pretty stable at the moment. And I’ll take that any day! πŸ™‚ My lung disease stuff is up and down. We’re looking into causes and taking the trial and error path to trying to see what might exacerbate or help settle the issues.

Not sure whether exercise makes it worse or not at the moment, but I can’t eliminate ballet from my path, so I’m planning on exercise being fine as I kind of need it to be. Not sure whether that’s stupid, optimistic or THE-BEST-PLAN-EVER! But it is what it is, because I am who I am.

The ballet does wax and wane according to how my lungs are feeling. I’ve had a little bit of time off and I find it difficult to remain positive about it during these times. But it’s okay. I am getting used to the pattern I think and I now seem to be able to see that it’s not permanent.

To help me see the bigger picture, I’ve made a small wish list for my ballet, and they are…

1) The biggest hurdle. Get the studio built! I love my deck studio but I am having serious studio cravings with not being in a studio for more than 3 months now!

2) To have a private lesson in Sydney, with my beloved teacher, but cover everything from barre to centre work (as we would do in a regular class) and record the whole thing so that I have a full class to repeat and progress within at home.

3) Apply myself to learning more things within ballet. Just having a go (a sensible go) and seeing what happens. Maybe I can post my results of my having-a-go’s on here and get feedback?

4) GET THE STUDIO BUILT!!! Did I mention this already? πŸ˜‰ It is a money, time and muscle thing, but I am so stuck if I can’t regularly get myself into a bigger space to practice using my body in motion.

Hope everyone is going brilliantly. Or at least enjoying moments!

I have another post coming up in which I will be declaring a deep dark secret. So keep an eye out. πŸ˜‰

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Hearts, Possibilities, Dreams…

Just wanted to say…

You are so worth every bit of luscious love and care you can muster up and give to yourself. You are you. And that is gorgeously right. πŸ™‚Β 

It is so important that we take the time to think about what satisfies us in life. At some point our journeys are most definitely going to end. Not much we can do about that. But we can do quite a bit to create satisfaction while our journeys are still operational! Take the time to ask yourself if you are happy with how things are, and if you are not, then ask yourself if there is anything you can do to change that. There may be some tiny little moment in your day that you can tweak that will make all the difference. Or you may realise that you want to make drastic changes.Β 

Make sure you are giving yourself the best chance at happiness. Make sure you are choosing for you.

I don’t mean this in a fluffy, life can be perfect if you just think positively enough, kind of way. But I do believe we are all making choices every single day that have results one way of the other. Whether they are small or big, they are still our own choices to make.

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On another note, today I did my first full 20 minute pilates workout (from home of course) and it was uber duber awesome! I felt great afterwards and it worked out all these mysterious, never before felt muscles. So delish. Can’t wait to do it again tomoz!Β 

πŸ™‚

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Things You Never Knew About Me…

The lovely Rebecca Elise Lamb fromΒ Walking the BoardsΒ nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award. I’m a little bit chuffed with this as it’s always nice to hear that people like reading or seeing what you have to offer! Also, loved Rebecca’s 7 facts. Especially the Leo moment — hilarious! Y’all should go and have a peek.

Apparently I am to nominate 15 other bloggers and then write 7 facts about myself that aren’t yet known. I read that and thought, I’m not sure there are even 7 things that I haven’t already blurted out to the world on this blog, but I’ll give it a red hot go. πŸ™‚

I’m narrowing my nominations down to 3 bloggers as that’s what I can manage at the moment. But I love all the blogs I read.

Okay so firstly, here are my nominees…

1) All-round Girl.Β She is sweet and incredibly introspective. I love reading about her analysis of herself and life.

2) 52 Weeks of Ballet.Β Jean is a beautiful person and has so much information on her journey back to ballet as an adult.

3) The 109th Bead.Β For her passion to fully dive into what she loves. Her enthusiasm is infectious.

Now, for 7 facts about me…

1) The first music concert I ever went to was a Sting concert in Sydney. I knew a guy, who knew a guy, who sneaked us in through a back door. (Sorry Sting) Was one of the best nights of my life. πŸ™‚

2) I once went on a date that ended in me helping my date to row a row boat in pitch darkness through rough ocean as waves crashed onto us. The boat was apparently meant to be our mode of transport home. We ended up having to carry the boat ashore — yes CARRY — and call his parents to pick us up. #datefail

3) I was at the Opera House for the farewell concert of Crowded House and I cried along with everyone else when they sang ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’.

4) I love all Paul Simon songs, and used to think ‘Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes’ was a metaphor for the taps on the soles of my tap shoes.

5) I once wrote a feature length film script that was optioned by a producer.

6) I met my husband on a train. We smiled at each other, said hello, and then didn’t stop talking for 12 hours.

7) My favourite movie is Withnail and I.

Okie dokie. So apparently those who have been nominated can now nominate others and share some facts about themselves and tag me as their nominator — if they want to participate.

Much love to all. πŸ™‚

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Extra Exciting Surprise For You From Me!

Hey gorgeous friends! I did a pretty exciting and nerve racking thing today. I actually SPEAK on my latest video. Yep, open my mouth and let the words flow forth! It was incredibly eekish, but I really wanted to connect with you all in a more “real lifeish” kind of way.

Here it is. Let me know if you like it! πŸ™‚

P.S, had another lovely ballet class today.Β 

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New Video of Bush Ballerina for Your Amusement :)

Seriously raw dance moves happening in this video, lol, but I am proud of just getting up and doing it. Had such a fun time. I even attempted to learn the centre work I was learning in my last Sydney class. The backward attitude turn thingo is a very hard one, especially for peeps like me who don’t like to lift one foot off the ground, let alone lift one leg up and then spin around BACKWARDS, while somehow making it look smooth.Β 

So I’m chuffed that I’m lifting that little footy off the ground at all! πŸ™‚ But yeah, raw as buggery. So please, don’t be looking for perfection!Β 

Happy living and dancing πŸ™‚

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Take the Pressure Off, Lovelies!

It can be really hard to NOT put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we want to do well, can’t it?

These days I am thinking much more about how I feel while I am doing something, than the end result I want. There is no point in me putting pressure on myself to achieve a certain outcome as that is an elusive goal that I may or may not achieve. But the goal of enjoying what I am doing while I am doing it is a goal that is both achievable and glorious.

And what a fabulous way of seeing life in general. I know the phrase “life is about the journey, not just the destination”, yeah I get that. But all too often I DO get caught up in the outcomes. I think it is a common way of thinking. Starting from when we are children, we are not rewarded for enjoying things, but rather achieving things.

But we don’t have to think like that. OMG, light bolt moment — WE DON’T HAVE TO THINK LIKE THAT!

I used to think about myself at the end of my life, looking back, and what I would like to see. I used to think I would like to see that I did lots of stuff and went lots of places. But now? Now I know I will want to look back and see that I enjoyed lots of things.

It’s all about the moment for me now. Enjoying the moment. As many moments as possible.

I enjoyed every second of my ballet class this morning. Here is a pic…

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Happy living, everyone! πŸ™‚