Uncategorized

Your Beautiful Glorious Self

You may think you need to be better.

But you don’t.

You may think you need to be more like someone else. 

But you don’t.

You might feel inadequate in so many areas of your being that you feel you will never be enough for anyone.

But you aren’t. And you are.

You may feel like you’ll never measure up.

But you already do.

You might look around you and only see others doing it better.

But that’s not the truth.

You may feel like you’re falling short. Losing face. 

But you’re not.

You may feel like everyone around you, everywhere you look, are on incredible trajectories towards imminent success while you’re still trying to figure out whether you’re an over or under person when it comes to your toilet paper.

But they’re probably not. And it’s okay if you’re either or both! 😉

Those who have seen my health issues know that things have been really tough for me. 

I could easily think of myself as having a harder time than others. I could easily choose to feel that others have been dealt fantastic hands while I’ve not even been  dealt one full hand. But firstly, thinking that way serves me no purpose. It doesn’t help me at all. And secondly, it’s all relative: there are others who are facing much harder challenges than I am.

You see, I have learnt that comparison is poison. It only creates anger, contempt, jealousy and a whole lot of other negative emotions. And it’s completely unnecessary. So we can opt out.

We can opt out.

I want to hug the world right now. I want to tell you all, whatever your battles, whatever your goals, to please stop believing that other people have it miraculously easier than others.

I want to especially tell the world that your self-worth does not lie in where you measure up against the people around you. 

Your self-worth is measured purely on the value you give yourself. 

The only person who gets to decide what you’re worth is you.

Do you hear me?

YOU GET TO CHOOSE!

You! No one else. Just you.

And the true beauty of it all is that no assessment is needed.

You’re worth the fucking world, because you were born. You deserve love, because you were born. You deserve respect, because you were born.

Don’t start assessing yourself. That’s being an arsehole to yourself. Don’t do that. 

Seriously, no assessment needed. You’re awesome. Just as you are. You’re doing what you do, aiming for goals, attempting this thing called life, in your way, how you see fit. 

You can do life, the way it feels right for you. 

Because living life by someone else’s rule book sucks a bag, and is completely unnecessary.

If you start doubting your ability to just be you, remember…

Your beauty lies in your flaws. 

Your true self can only shine in your vulnerability.

You are accessible through your mistakes.

Absolutely. Every. Single. Person. On. The. Fucking. Planet. Fucks. Up. All. The. Fucking. Time.

Most people are just scrambling hard to hide their mistakes.

But they’re making them. Oh, boy, are they making them!

It’s impossible to not make mistakes, to not have flaws, to not be imperfect.

So, world, take a breath. 

Give yourself permission to be you. 

No comparisons needed.

No comparisons wanted. 

Just be your beautiful, glorious, unique self. 

xxx

P.S: photo of me, being me…

Uncategorized

Getting Up and Getting On With It

This post isn’t so much about ballet, as I have just been getting up and getting on with ballet. As The Dancing Rider mentioned I’ve been learning about retiré and passé.

But something else has happened recently that made me want to write about something that I think is integral to my journey, but perhaps not seen as much. And that is self esteem. What a powerful, sometimes seemingly magical, thing self esteem is.

Good self esteem can make a person and a low self esteem can break a person. Without good self esteem you can feel small, insignificant, unworthy of good things and deserving of bad things.

Looking out on the world through low self esteem can feel like the world is full of opportunities for everyone else. Like there is no point in trying anything as failure is sure to follow. And failure is a terrifying thought for the low self esteemed, not because failure is bad, but because of the truckload of self abusive internal dialogue that is sure to sneak its way in on the back of that failure.

It has always seemed so strange to me, that something as necessary in life as self esteem, isn’t taught in schools or promoted as being as important as ones grade in the latest math test.

The good news is that you can cultivate your own positive self esteem. But it does take a lot of mental strength. You will need to overcome the negative self talk that will definitely come looking for a fight as soon as you start thinking positively about yourself.

The moment you tell yourself you can, that negative self talk that springs from low self esteem will scream at you that you can’t. And here’s one of the reasons I am in love with ballet…

Ballet makes me improve, and improvement makes me feel better about myself.

Ending every single day with a ballet class, practising the same movements and positions over and over has ensured improvement. It would be hard to NOT improve if you did something every single days for months. And with that improvement, what happens? I start to feel better about myself. “Oh look! I can actually stand in 1st! I can lift my leg higher this week! I can attempt pirouettes and not slam into the wall!” I could see actual improvement. And actual, factual improvement is the fastest thing to shut up that internal dialogue.

When you start to improve, there is nothing left for that internal dialogue to cling to. It’s not instant. It takes time. And at first that low self esteem just tries to cling to other areas of our life, but eventually it starts to fall away and flows into other areas of your life. Oh what a beautiful feeling!

I’m looking forward to seeing how faded it can become.

I wanted to write this post to anyone who might be at the beginning of a journey like mine, where you start off with a dream and it’s all in your head, and you really want to make that dream a reality, but you have a wall of negative self talk to climb over, before you can start to feel better about yourself.

I want to say it is possible. You can do it.

If I told you it were easy I would be setting you up for failure. If I told you it was all about thinking positively I would also be setting you up for failure.

So what I will tell you is that it’s not easy but it IS simple. All you have to do is talk yourself into getting up and getting to class. If you keep doing your classes then you will see improvements and from there your self esteem will rebuild like you never could have imagined it would.

I’m not saying that positive thinking isn’t helpful. It is a great tool. But it sometimes isn’t enough. For me, I need action. I need to prove that I am worth believing in.

The hardest part of this journey for me is convincing myself every day to get up and keep going. As soon as I have done that part everything else sorts itself out. Even if I have a terrible class and I feel like I have failed at something, I still know that I got to class and THAT makes me feel better about myself.

So my message is to keep getting up and going. Get yourself to class and you have won half the self esteem battle.

Here’s to believing in you!

Below is a pic of me getting up and getting on with retiré in relevé. 😀

20130715-195803.jpg